I’ve really struggled with writing this post for a while now because the topic of baby sleep can be so, so controversial. There’s a lot of mom shaming out there and the mothering police are real. I am by no means an expert, I can only share what worked for my baby and me. I want to write this post for the mamas who are out there and feel alone. Motherhood can be very isolating and just hearing from someone else who is in the thick of it can totally help. You are not alone, sister.
When I was a new mom, sleepless and desperate for help, I read every single blog post on the internet about how to get a 2,3,4,6,10 month old to sleep. All of them. I also read several books. Each of them with their own method. I put my baby in magical suits and tried 32 different swaddles, we did everything we could to try and get our baby to sleep.
Roman finally slept through the night at 2.5 months. But then every few months he went through a growth spurt that caused sleepless nights and we always felt like we were back at square one. With each sleep regression, it passed and he was back to sleeping through the night. Last night, he slept a full 12 hours, but the night before he was up all night sick and hungry. Sleep is never constant and something you’ll always have to just roll with. The best thing you can do is just know, this will pass and it will get better.
Here are my tips for getting your baby to sleep through the night.
CONSISTENT ROUTINES. The common theme that runs throughout all books and advice columns is to have a consistent night routine. Pretty much since Roman was first born, I created a night routine for him and it really hasn’t changed. At 6:45 pm I draw him a bath. His bath time never changes, even though nap times, feed times and wake times can change and get all mixed up. No matter what, the bath time would stay consistent every single night. I believe that a firm, consistent routine is best for babies but that took a lot of sacrifices, missed events, dinners with friends, etc. I got a lot of judgement around this but I knew that his sleep time was a priority for us.
His routine: THIS IS KEY FOR SLEEPING WELL. He’d get a nice warm bath with a soothing lavender soak. After getting out, I give him a baby massage with this amazing scented lotion so he feels relaxed and comforted. I brush his hair, put him in his pajamas and zip up swaddle ( The Love to Dream swaddle was the particular swaddle that worked best for Roman because he liked his arms up) . The sound machine is set to come on with a soft blue light , ocean waves at 7pm sharp. I love the sound. Then we would cuddle and have a bottle. This little Fisher Price sooth & glow bunny plays as background noise and sleeps next to him in the crib. About 7:15-7:30, after he finished the bottle and was fully burped, I put him in his dock-a-tot in his crib next to bunny, and he would go down. He always slept in his dock-a-tot which was key. It always put him right to sleep, especially when we traveled, he would sleep anywhere with his dock-a-tot.
2. SLEEP TRAINING. I am a big fan of the BabyWise schedule. It’s based on a eat-wake-sleep method. The theory is, as soon as they wake up they eat, then keep them up for an hour or so with play time, depending on their age. During play they burn calories, so once they get tired, they show the sleep signals really well (rubbing eyes, yawn, lose focus). As soon as they show signals, they go down for a nap. You’re never to let them nap just after eating or let them snack all day. You make sure they have a full feed when they eat. It’s very important they eat well.
Roman had jaundice as a newborn, so he had formula out of the gate. I had a miserable breastfeeding experience, I made so much milk, I got mastitis in both boobs. It was so painful, I only lasted a month on the breast. But, I pumped a LOT of formula and saved it up, so I could mix formula with breast milk and stretch it out. I truly loved bottle feeding my baby because I could monitor how much he ate each feeding, which was really helpful. Roman was a big eater, he ate twice as much as the recommended dose of milk. Side note: I always trust my gut when it comes to my baby, I don’t follow the rules. I would feed him until he was full, milk drunk so he would sleep well. And he did.
Typically, when Roman wouldn’t sleep well, he was hungry, sometimes it was gas, which gripe water really helped me with that. A very good girlfriend of mine, who has a strong Italian family encouraged me to add a small bit of rice cereal to his bottle. The very first night I did it, was the first time he slept all the way through the night. I think it’s hard for us to ensure our baby is getting enough food. We can follow charts and listen to experts, but you have to know your baby and listen to him.
NAPS: Roman would NOT nap in his crib for the first 9 months. I mean would absolutely scream, wiggle, never would relax in his crib unless it was bedtime. (which is why I highly recommend black out drapes for nurseries). Naps during the day are key to a good nights sleep. They say that naps are practice sleep, the better they nap, the better night sleep is. For Roman, it was movement. He would nap if I would take him for a stroller and then he would sleep in the stroller or he would nap WITHOUT FAIL in his swing. This swing was such a life saver, it always kept him sleeping soundly for nap time. For every nap during the day we would put on the sound machine, swaddle him in the love to dream zip up swaddle, put him in the swing and give him his pacifier. It worked like a charm.
Here was his sample nap schedule (this was around 6 months):
Awake: 6-7am
Nap 1: 9am
Nap 2: 12pm
Nap 3: 3pm
**Bedtime routine (bath, massage, bottle, bed): 6:45pm
Sleep: 7-7:30pm
There are a lot of theories and perspectives when it comes to sleep training. How do you deal when your baby resists sleeping? There is nothing worse than trying to get your poor little tired baby to sleep and he just isn’t having it. Again, I’m not an expert but I took a little from all of the methods and this is what worked for us.....
After he was 4 months old, if he resisted sleep and wasn’t hungry, had a fresh diaper and seemed healthy, I did a 5/2 method. After I put him down, I’d let him cry for 5 minutes, and then go in and pick him up and comfort him for 2 minutes. I would hold him right at his crib and rock him in my arms. I’d comfort him with words like “mommy’s here but it’s time for night night” (you say the weirdest things as I mom, am I right?) Then I would put him back down and if he would cry again, I would stand a few feet away from him crib and say “shhhhh. Mommy’s here” I did this so he would know I was there, but I wasn’t picking him up. I’d let the cry go on for 5 min and then again, I would repeat it. Pick him up and console him for 2 and then put him back down and be standing in the room saying “shhhh. Mommy’s here” if he wouldn’t stop. After the third time of picking him up and putting him down, I would leave the room again, for the 5 minutes. Typically after the 3rd time, he would finally put himself to sleep.
The key here is that I never broke the cycle. I wouldn’t give in and let him fall asleep in my arms, come to bed with me or let him stay up. I was very strict and consistent with it. A lot of people say it is bad to let a baby cry it out and as a mother, its so hard to hear your baby cry and not go to him. Instinctually, I knew it was the right thing to do, to give him the opportunity to learn how to self soothe. They say that you want to ensure your baby can self soothe his way to sleep so he gets good at sleeping, a well sleeping baby is a happy baby. To this day, Roman goes to bed every night by 7:30 and sleeps through the night. He has his ups and downs (during growth spurts) but he is pretty comfortable with his routine. In fact, he just started school and his teachers told me, he is the best sleeper in the class.
3. MINDFUL MOTHERING. I think it’s so important that as a mom, I’m calm and centered. If I am stressed, frantic, upset or worried, my baby will pick up on that energy and emulate it. Half of the battle is actually within yourself. You have to trust yourself, trust your instincts and trust that you are connected with your baby. In order to be sure that I am mothering mindfully, I always made sure I was calm on the inside. For me, slowing down, just taking in the present moment and not trying to multi-task is key! I also love to incorporate breath work into almost everything. Breathe slowly in through the nose an out through the mouth. Here are a few affirmations you can say to yourself over and over again. . .
“This too shall pass”.
“I can trust myself, I was made for this”
“I am doing what is best for my baby and me.”
I know it is rough, the first year is so hard. Just remember mama, you are NOT ALONE! Hope these tips help. If you have tips to share, please share them in the comments below. Let’s create a safe space for mamas to feel less alone.
Love, Ashlina
