Money touches every corner of our lives — yet so many of us avoid truly looking at it. We feel shame about debt, guilt about spending, or fear about not having enough. But what if tending to your finances could actually be a loving, gentle ritual — a wellness practice just like meditation, journaling, or yoga?
This is exactly what financial therapist Bari Tessler teaches with her idea of the money date. In this post, we’re going to break down exactly how to have one, and why building financial intimacy with yourself might be the most overlooked form of self-care you can practice.
And I even recorded a podcast episode for you all about the topic.
💔 Money Stress: The Silent Relationship Killer
Money isn’t just math — it’s deeply emotional. And when it’s neglected or avoided, it becomes a silent stressor that impacts our mental health, relationships, and even our physical well-being.
Consider this:
Money is the #1 cause of relationship stress. According to Ramsey Solutions, money fights are the second leading cause of divorce, just behind infidelity.
A study by the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts found that 22% of divorces cite money issues as the primary cause.
The American Psychological Association’s Stress in America survey consistently shows that money is a top source of stress for 72% of adults.
Financial strain is strongly linked to depression and anxiety. Research published in the Journal of Family and Economic Issues found a clear correlation between financial stress and depressive symptoms.
In short: our relationship with money can deeply affect our quality of life — for better or for worse.
This isn’t just about budgeting your money, it’s about creating a brand new relationship with money and your wealth. Inside my course, Soul Aligned Wealth, I guide you to reprogramming your brain for a more positive & healthy relationship with finances. Every morning for 21 mornings, you will re-wire your brain & body to align with the type of relationship to wealth that you really want. Check it out here.
✨ What Is a Money Date?
A money date is exactly what it sounds like: a date with your money. Instead of avoiding your finances or facing them only when problems arise, you set aside dedicated time — ideally each month — to gently and lovingly check in.
During a money date, you might:
Review your bank accounts
Look at your spending without judgment
Pay bills
Adjust your budget
Set goals for the coming month
Celebrate any wins, no matter how small
It’s a chance to reconnect with where you are financially, where you want to go, and how to get there — with curiosity instead of criticism.
💆♀️ Why a Money Date Is Self-Care
Too often, we think of self-care as bubble baths and spa days. But true self-care includes caring for your future self.
A money date helps you:
✔️ Feel more in control and less overwhelmed
✔️ Reduce financial anxiety and avoidance
✔️ Communicate better with your partner about money
✔️ Make aligned choices with your values and goals
✔️ Cultivate a sense of peace, security, and empowerment
When you know where your money is going and have a plan, you free up mental and emotional energy for other areas of your life — relationships, health, creativity, and rest.
🗝️ How to Have Your Own Money Date
Ready to try it? Here’s how to make your first money date enjoyable, not intimidating:
1️⃣ Schedule It
Put it on your calendar like you would a coffee date with a friend. Choose a time you’re relaxed and unlikely to be interrupted.
2️⃣ Set the Mood
Light a candle, pour your favorite drink, play calming music. Make it feel safe and pleasant.
Or you can visit a local coffee shop, hotel restaurant, make it an actual date.
3️⃣ Reflect with Gratitude
Start by acknowledging what your money has provided for you recently — groceries, a roof over your head, maybe a treat for yourself, etc.
4️⃣ Check In, Gently
Open your accounts. Look at your spending, income, and bills. Be curious, not critical.
5️⃣ Make Adjustments
Update your budget if needed, pay upcoming bills, and plan for next month’s priorities.
6️⃣ Dream Ahead
Set one small, doable financial goal for the month — like saving $50, paying off a little debt, or cutting back on a subscription you don’t use.
7️⃣ Celebrate!
End on a positive note: do something relaxing or fun afterward to reward yourself for showing up.
@thedealtrader on X
❤️ A Love Note to Your Future Self
A money date is more than a budgeting session — it’s a commitment to care for your future self. It says: I love myself enough to be present with my finances today, so I can feel safe, empowered, and at peace tomorrow.
Try scheduling your first money date this week. You might be surprised how much lighter you feel afterward.
📌 Have you ever had a money date? Would you try one now? Share your thoughts in the comments — I’d love to hear how you’re bringing financial intimacy into your self-care routine.
