There comes a moment in every woman’s life when she feels it — the quiet but undeniable pull to stop living by everyone else’s expectations and start living by her own.
For many women, that moment comes in their 40s.
The filter drops. The tolerance for what drains you disappears. And the craving for depth, pleasure, power, and unapologetic self-expression becomes impossible to ignore.
That’s the call of your dark feminine energy.
This energy is not about being “bad” or “cold.” It’s about tapping into the magnetic, self-possessed, and fully expressed side of you that’s been hidden — the part of you that says:
“I choose me first, always.”
When you embody your dark feminine energy, you:
Stop apologizing for what you want
Attract relationships and opportunities that respect and value you
Set boundaries without guilt
Move through life with sensual confidence
Radiate a presence that draws people in without you having to chase
Listen to this podcast episode to dive in deeper:
What is dark feminine energy?
Dark vs. Light Feminine Energy
Both dark and light feminine energies are sacred and necessary — they are two sides of the same coin.
Light feminine energy is nurturing, compassionate, open, and giving. She’s the healer, the muse, the mother, the nurturer of dreams.
Dark feminine energy is magnetic, mysterious, discerning, and self-honoring. She’s the queen, the enchantress, the creatrix who knows her worth and moves through life in deep self-trust.
The light feminine welcomes. The dark feminine chooses.
The light feminine serves. The dark feminine commands.
Together, they create a woman who is both loving and powerful, both open and discerning.
Below, I’ll walk you through 8 steps to reclaim your dark feminine energy in your 40s. Each step includes examples, a book recommendation, and a journal prompt so you can begin embodying this energy right now.
8 steps to reclaim your dark feminine energy
1. Acknowledge Your Shadows
The dark feminine is about wholeness — and wholeness means embracing the parts of you you’ve been told to hide: your ambition, your anger, your jealousy, your desire for more.
Example: Maybe you’ve been taught that being ambitious makes you “selfish.” Instead of pushing it away, acknowledge that your drive to achieve is a part of your power.
When you own your shadows, they stop running you from the background and start working for you.
Book Recommendation: Women Who Run With the Wolves — Clarissa Pinkola Estés
Journal Prompt: What parts of me have I labeled as “bad” or “too much,” and how could those parts actually be sources of my strength?
2. Stop Apologizing for Your Desires
Your desires are not inconveniences — they are sacred directions from your soul.
Example: Instead of saying, “I’d love to do that… if it’s okay with everyone,” you say, “This is what I want, and I’m moving toward it.” You stop cushioning your truth to make others comfortable.
When you express your desires without apology, you magnetize the people and opportunities aligned with them.
Book Recommendation: Pussy: A Reclamation — Regena Thomashauer
Journal Prompt: If I stopped apologizing for what I want, what would I say yes to? What would I say no to?
3. Strengthen Your Boundaries
If desire is the door, boundaries are the lock.
Example: You receive an invitation that doesn’t feel aligned. Instead of going to avoid disappointing someone, you simply respond, “That doesn’t work for me.” No guilt. No 20-line explanation.
Boundaries are not walls to keep people out — they are gates that protect the energy, peace, and space where you thrive.
Book Recommendation: Set Boundaries, Find Peace — Nedra Glover Tawwab
Journal Prompt: Where in my life am I leaking energy because I’m afraid to say no?
4. Practice Energy Draping
Instead of only thinking about sensuality as what you do with your body, think about it as the energy you wear.
Example: If you want to radiate mystery, you might wear an intoxicating perfume, move slower than usual, and let your words be fewer but more intentional. If you want to radiate joy, you choose music, clothes, and a rhythm that match that frequency.
The point isn’t performance — it’s embodiment. You choose the “energy fabric” you’ll be cloaked in, and you wear it with intention all day.
Book Recommendation: The Art of Seduction — Robert Greene
Journal Prompt: If my energy today was a scent, a song, and a color, what would they be?
5. Cultivate Magnetic Mystery
Not everyone needs access to every part of you.
Example: Instead of oversharing your personal life with acquaintances, you keep certain things sacred. People start leaning in because there’s more to discover about you — your presence invites curiosity.
Magnetic mystery is about preserving your energy so that when you do share, it lands with depth and power.
Book Recommendation: The Art of Seduction — Robert Greene
Journal Prompt: What parts of my life feel most sacred to me? How can I protect them more intentionally?
6. Look to Your Lilith Within
While in astrology Lilith is a literal placement, here I want you to think of it symbolically — your raw, untamed, unapologetic self.
Example: This is the version of you who doesn’t wait for permission. She doesn’t water herself down to be palatable. She creates, speaks, and moves from her deepest truth.
Reconnecting with this version of yourself can feel like remembering a part of you you thought you lost — but she’s still there, waiting for you to invite her forward.
Book Recommendation: Sacred Woman — Queen Afua
Journal Prompt: If I stopped trying to be “good,” what would I do differently in my life right now?
7. Claim Your Power Through Action
The dark feminine doesn’t just dream — she moves.
Example: If you’ve been fantasizing about starting your own business, she’s the one who opens the laptop and writes the plan. If you’ve been stuck in a draining relationship, she’s the one who books the therapy session or ends it.
Each bold action tells the world — and yourself — that you trust your power.
Book Recommendation: Women Who Run With the Wolves — Clarissa Pinkola Estés
Journal Prompt: What’s one action I’ve been avoiding that could move me closer to the life I truly want?
8. Ritualize Your Transformation
Transformation is not a one-time event — it’s a way of life.
Example: Every Sunday night, you might light a candle, put on music that connects you to your body, and journal on how you embodied your dark feminine energy that week. You celebrate where you honored her and note where you silenced her.
These rituals keep you in relationship with your power — they make embodiment a habit.
Book Recommendation: Sacred Woman — Queen Afua
Journal Prompt: What’s one small ritual I can add to my week to keep me connected to my most powerful self?
Your Dark Feminine Era Is Now
Your 40s are not the time to fade away — they are the time to rise.
When you embody your dark feminine energy, you step into a version of yourself that is magnetic, respected, and deeply self-assured. You stop chasing and start attracting. You stop explaining and start owning.
And you don’t have to do it alone. Inside Manifestation Queen Academy, we are a sisterhood devoted to supporting each other’s glow-ups, reinventions, and most powerful transformations. If you’re ready to live this — not just read about it — join us.
