This post is all about how to overcome self-sabotage.
I have been in major reflection mode. And one of the things I did that I find was extremely beneficial, was set some time aside to go through the photos app on my phone. I scrolled through each month to take a look at what was a major lesson or takeaway I learned that month. What was I going through? How did I handle it? This exercise has been incredibly insightful, in fact I highly suggest you doing it.
Several years ago, I took a workshop on personal growth and one of the things I realized about myself was that I had a tendency to self-sabotage in different areas of my life.
What does it mean to self-sabotage? Self-sabotage is when people do (or don't do) things that block their success or prevent them from accomplishing their goals. It can happen consciously or unconsciously.
In the past, I would completely allow myself to procrastinate on projects, especially things like my taxes. Sometimes, I wouldn’t know how to communicate properly that I needed support, so I’d take everything on all by myself and then end up getting nowhere. At times, I would walk away from opportunities, friendships or relationships that I didn’t have the energy to speak a boundary to or ask for what my needs were at the time. I’d also pack my schedule with events, classes and engagements and then I would end up “too busy” to manage, organize or tackle things that I needed to get done.
When I first learned how sneaky self-sabotage could be, I was floored.
Then there was that final moment when I learned to end my relationship with self-sabotage once and for all. One morning as I was creating content for my podcast, I took a glance over at my long list of episode ideas and I froze. My mind was spinning from overwhelm and I just ended up not recording anything.
I love that life is an ever evolving, expanding experience of growth.
So, when I started to implement some tools that I learned from that workshop, I learned how to take back the control in my focus and powerfully move the needle forward on what I was working on.
And if there are ever signs I’m getting close to that again, I know exactly what tools I needed to put in place to course correct myself and my life. (this is why I created my program Soul Aligned Success: 21-days of shifts to overcome self-sabotage)
7 signs you may struggle with self-sabotage
You are ‘too busy’ to figure out how to manage your time in a better way. I literally had to start completely taking the phrase ‘too busy’ out of my vocabulary. That phrase can seriously get you in to some trouble, with yourself. How would you feel if a loved one told you that they were ‘too busy’ for you? How would that feel?
Well, if you are ‘too busy’ to make time for the things that are a priority for you and what you want to create in your life…being ‘too busy’ for yourself is the ultimate for of self abandonment and ultimately will move you into self-sabotage. Because if you are abandoning yourself, you won’t build or cultivate trust in yourself. And you will never be able to move forward with your life if you don’t trust yourself.
You don’t ask for help when you need it. So, often, especially as women, we think we are too much. We think our needs are too much. We think if we ask for help, we might be a burden. For some reason, we believe that if we aren’t superwoman, we aren’t good enough or we somehow aren’t worthy.
Well, girlfriend, this is holding you back in your life. There is nothing wrong for asking for support. In fact, for a lot of people who have so much time, love and energy to give…they need people like you to ask. So they can give back to the world. Just think of it like one of those penny dishes. You take when you need and you give when you can. You are doing the world a favor when you communicate what you need support with.
You procrastinate often. This one is pretty self-explanatory. Procrastination is a killer. The worst part is, procrastination is often fueled by the focus on perfectionism. When we are chasing the idea of perfection, we can all too easily get caught up in it that the self-sabotaging mechanism in our mind can actually search for ways to procrastinate on things.
Try setting some boundaries on yourself and your calendar so when you feel the need to procrastinate something, you’ve already scheduled time for it into your calendar. For example, you want to lose weight and you’ll start working out on Monday, but Monday turns into Friday and then the next Monday. Get that workout booked into your calendar so you don’t miss that date with yourself.
You hold yourself back because of fear or imposter syndrome. omg. How many times have you watched a girlfriend not take a risk or do what you know she is capable of because she gave into fear? Or even worse, imposter syndrome, aka not feeling good enough for whatever that thing is?
The worst part is, there really is almost nothing you can say to someone to pull them out of this type of self-sabotage. However, now that you know that this could very well be something you are doing to yourself, you might be able to stop it. Always look at things through the perspective that fear could be in the drivers seat. It’s a good rule of thumb to observe first, react second.
You start multiple projects but have a hard time completing them. One of my friends was really the queen of this. She would always come up with really fun ideas, good business plans and cool things to orchestrate. Everyone just loved that about her, she had the enthusiasm of a high school cheerleader, we all would get behind whatever she was up to. One time, she got her husband to invest $1500 to start a business and once she received all of the set up tools and supplies, they sat in her garage for months. That happened more times than I can count over the years and eventually, it ended up becoming a big problem in her marriage.
Things like this may not seem that bad but when you have trouble finishing what you start, it is a sign that somewhere, deep down, you don’t trust yourself and/or you are majorly afraid of your own success.
You end or push pause on relationships when they get a little too serious. Or you might even avoid relationships or friendships when they become tense or when you might have to be vulnerable and communicate. Sometimes, its just easier to not rock the boat and to just be distant so you can avoid confrontation. When you avoid the rocky moments in these relationships, you are only avoiding yourself. And you’re avoiding a deep part of you that needs to be healed or seen or heard.
So when you do this avoiding, you put off the lesson or the growth that you could potentially do now. Then you may find yourself circling back to the same lessons over and over again. Because you weren’t willing to face what was being put right in front of you.
Just remember, relationships are only mirrors of what needs to be seen within us. So try and be open to any and all growth. It will change your life.
You tell yourself that you don’t need to take a break and rest or you feel guilty when you do. A few months ago, I was pushing my own limits. I felt like I was on the verge of complete burnout. Luckily, I know how to bring myself back to balance. However, most of us feel so guilty when we rest or take a personal day, especially as moms and women who work for ourselves. We beat ourselves up for feeling scared, stressed, tired, anxious and just needing some time with ourselves to recalibrate. Taking a break to engage in unhealthy behavior is one thing but taking some time to attend to your mental and personal health is not just selfish but incredibly essential.
The ethos of my brand and business has always been about creating and balanced and blissful life, it may not always look, feel or be perfect. But it is always about taking care of yourself, mind, body, soul and home because your life and the lives of those around you depends on that.
Hopefully these 7 signs have inspired you to being more mindful of your habits as you look back on 2022. Self-sabotage doesn’t have to be something you struggle with forever. Like many other things, the first step is always awareness.
LISTEN TO THIS EPISODE ON THE BLISSFULLY AMBITIOUS PODCAST
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A few things to ask yourself…
💕 What is something you wish you had or hadn’t done this year that keeps replaying in your mind?
💕 If you could go back to one thing this year and do it differently, what would that be?
💕 What is something you know you should be more intentional about? How will you start doing this more?
💕 What are, if any, habits that are more harmful to you than helpful? What can you do to break these?
