The Ultimate Guide to Letting Go of People-Pleasing + 5 Best Books To Help Support You

Getting nervous about spending the holidays around too many people? Not to worry, this post was written to help support you in being more confident and drop the tendency to go into people pleasing mode this season.

For many women, the urge to please others can run deep, often tied to a desire to be seen as loving, kind, and considerate. While these are beautiful qualities, they can sometimes blur the lines between being genuinely caring and losing oneself in the needs of others.

Letting go of people-pleasing doesn’t mean sacrificing your femininity or warmth; rather, it’s about redefining it in a way that allows you to flourish authentically.

Here’s how to embrace a more intentional, balanced approach that nurtures both yourself and those around you:

1. Understand the Roots of People-Pleasing

The first step in breaking free from people-pleasing is understanding why you do it. Often, people-pleasing can stem from childhood experiences, societal expectations, or simply the habit of prioritizing others' needs. Reflect on moments when you felt the need to make others happy, and ask yourself: What was I hoping to gain? Maybe it was validation, love, or acceptance. Becoming aware of these motivations allows you to reclaim control and shift towards healthier ways of meeting these needs.

2. Embrace Boundaries as a Form of Self-Respect

Setting boundaries is one of the most powerful acts of self-love and self-respect. It’s also essential for maintaining healthy, balanced relationships. Start with small boundaries that feel manageable, like not answering work emails after a certain time or saying no to requests that don’t align with your priorities.

Remember, boundaries are not barriers to love; they are frameworks that protect it. When others know what to expect, relationships become more honest and fulfilling, and your generosity becomes a true choice rather than an obligation.

3. Redefine What It Means to Be “Loving”

Being loving doesn’t require self-sacrifice. In fact, it’s often quite the opposite. When you show up authentically, without the need to overextend yourself, you create an environment where people feel comfortable doing the same. True love and care stem from a place of fullness within you, so prioritize filling your own cup first.

A good question to ask yourself before doing something for someone is: Am I doing this out of genuine care, or am I trying to avoid discomfort, disapproval, or rejection? If it’s the latter, that may be a sign that it’s time to choose yourself.

4. Develop a Stronger Sense of Self

People-pleasing often goes hand-in-hand with low self-worth or a lack of clarity about personal values. Cultivating a strong sense of self can help you distinguish between what’s truly important to you and what’s merely driven by external expectations. Spend time journaling, meditating, or exploring creative hobbies to reconnect with yourself and your needs.

When you know who you are and what you want, you can love others from a more centered, balanced place. This makes it easier to stay true to yourself without feeling pressured to conform.

5. Communicate from a Place of Authenticity

Intentional communication is key to transforming people-pleasing tendencies. It’s entirely possible to speak your truth while being warm and respectful. Practice using “I” statements, such as “I feel,” “I need,” or “I prefer,” to express your desires or boundaries. For example, instead of saying, “I’m sorry, I can’t help with that,” try, “I appreciate you asking, but I need to focus on my priorities right now.”

When you communicate openly, people around you will start respecting your boundaries and understanding your needs, all while feeling the sincerity in your approach.

6. Celebrate the Power of Femininity Without Self-Sacrifice

Femininity encompasses qualities like empathy, gentleness, and emotional intelligence—qualities that are powerful in their own right. Rather than tying your femininity to people-pleasing, consider how these attributes can strengthen your ability to assert boundaries and honor yourself. Think of femininity as a soft but resilient power, one that enables you to be present with others while standing in your truth.

Related reading: 25 things to do to help you reconnect with your femininity

7. Practice Saying “No” With Grace

Learning to say “no” is one of the most challenging yet empowering steps in overcoming people-pleasing. Start small, using phrases that feel comfortable but assertive. Try responses like, “I’d love to help, but I need to focus on my responsibilities right now” or “Thank you for thinking of me, but I won’t be able to participate.”

Over time, you’ll feel more comfortable asserting your “no” with kindness and clarity. Saying no isn’t an act of rejection; it’s an affirmation of your own values and boundaries.

8. Surround Yourself with Supportive People

Your growth journey can be made easier when surrounded by those who respect and support your choices. Seek out friendships and relationships where honesty and self-expression are encouraged. When you surround yourself with people who celebrate your authenticity, you’ll feel less pressured to compromise it for the sake of approval.

Embracing Your Authentic, Loving Self

Letting go of people-pleasing is a journey that takes patience, but every step leads you closer to a more intentional, fulfilled version of yourself. Remember, you can still be a loving, feminine woman while prioritizing your needs and boundaries. As you release the need to please everyone, you’ll find that the love and energy you share with others comes from a place of fullness, resilience, and authentic warmth—qualities that make you truly magnetic and free.

5 of the best books on breaking the habit of people pleasing

1. "The Disease to Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome" by Dr. Harriet B. Braiker

• Summary: This classic addresses the psychological roots of people-pleasing and offers actionable strategies to overcome it. Dr. Braiker guides readers through recognizing the internal beliefs that drive people-pleasing and provides exercises to practice assertiveness.

• Why It’s Helpful: The book uses real-life examples and practical exercises, making it both insightful and actionable for breaking free from people-pleasing habits.

2. "Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself" by Nedra Glover Tawwab

• Summary: Tawwab, a licensed therapist, offers a guide to setting healthy boundaries without feeling guilt. This book tackles the fears that often keep people-pleasers from saying “no” and emphasizes that boundaries are essential for meaningful, balanced relationships.

• Why It’s Helpful: With a focus on practical solutions, Tawwab’s advice is straightforward and compassionate, perfect for readers looking to embrace boundaries while remaining kind and empathetic.

3. "Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha" by Tara Brach

• Summary: While not solely about people-pleasing, "Radical Acceptance" dives into the root causes of self-doubt and insecurity, exploring how mindfulness and compassion can help us let go of the need for approval.

• Why It’s Helpful: Brach’s gentle approach to self-acceptance helps people-pleasers develop inner peace and confidence, laying a foundation for authentic interactions and emotional freedom.

4. "The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are" by Brené Brown

• Summary: Brown explores the ways in which our fear of imperfection fuels people-pleasing tendencies and keeps us from living wholeheartedly. Through research-backed insights, she empowers readers to embrace vulnerability and authenticity.

• Why It’s Helpful: This book encourages people-pleasers to let go of perfectionism and societal expectations, embracing a more grounded and self-compassionate way of living.

5. "Not Nice: Stop People-Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty...And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, and Unapologetically Being Yourself" by Dr. Aziz Gazipura

• Summary: Dr. Gazipura’s book dives into why we fear being seen as “not nice” and how to stop letting that fear control our choices. With actionable exercises, it helps readers find their voice and develop assertiveness without sacrificing kindness.

• Why It’s Helpful: This book provides a clear roadmap to assertiveness while recognizing that kindness and authenticity can go hand-in-hand.

10 simple and healthy living hacks to get you back on track {Podcast Ep. 271}

This post is all about 10 healthy living hacks that will help get you back on track for a healthy lifestyle from Blissfully Ambitious podcast episode 271.

I hate to admit it but I have NOT been taking care of myself as well as I normally do. Several years ago, I discovered that I had issues with my gut and I’m highly sensitive to so many foods that I actually love. When I learned this about myself, I started eating a more Vegan diet ( not super strict because I absolutely love fish and cheese ). I also tend to stick with a strong gluten-free diet now that there are so many options out there. Banza pasta is my best friend.

With back to school season coming up and my little boy starting kindergarten this year, I am noticing that I’m not feeling so “ready” for my schedule load to get piled up. So, I have been feeling that it is a really good time for me to get back on track with my healthy lifestyle. I thought it would be not only a good idea to document the hacks that I am going to use to help me shift back into a healthy routine but also good for me to share with you so that I can be held accountable, too.

10 health hacks to help get you back on track for a healthy lifestyle

1. Swap alcohol for probiotic mocktails. I personally will be taking a 30-day break from any and all alcohol to give my body a complete overhaul. Alcohol slows down your bodily functions that help keep you in shape and healthy, like your metabolism, digestion, etc. So, if you give yourself a complete alcohol detox, you will reset your bodies natural health abilities.

   However, I totally understand the difficulty of taking an alcohol break when it is completely socially normal to have a glass of rose at a party. So, I like to keep several options in my fridge so I can grab a few whenever I am going to a party or event where alcohol will be present.

   My favorite? The Ginger Lemon Olipop probiotic sparkling water. It’s kind of like keeping a little mocktail at hand. I like to pour this over ice, garish with a lemon and drink it with a straw in my colorful wine glasses or even a to go water bottle. It feels so fabulous.

2. Swap scrolling your phone first thing in the morning for journaling. Did you know that when you first wake up your brain needs time to move from delta ( deep sleep ) to theta & alpha brain wave states and then finally to beta brain ( wide awake ). When you wake up and scroll your phone, you push your brain to move immediately to beta, bypassing your most optimal brain wave states.

Also meaning that you completely bypass your subconscious minds prime state for rewiring. “Big mistake…HUGE” as Vivian Ward said in the movie Pretty Woman.

So, swap it for journaling. I am a big fan of the morning pages. Where you just dump everything out of your brain first thing in the morning. This is super helpful for your mental health and wellbeing. You can also start dream journaling and just record whatever it is you dream about.

These are my absolute favorite notebooks to journal in. Something about the spiral notebook, the size and the lines.

3. Replace scrolling screens with reading books or listening to podcasts. Look, I love a good Real Housewives binge or Tik Tok scrolling session more than anyone. I will also be the first to tell you that I know just how much those very things bring about chaos in your brain. Just one scrolling session for me and I feel like my brain has 39242 tabs open all at once.

What this does is create clutter, confusion, stress, fatigue and overwhelm in your mind. When your mind is stressed, your body is stressed and it is going to hold on to every ounce of fat possible because your body feels that it is in fight or flight.

Drop the scrolling and opt for reading a really good book. Also, when you are reading or even journaling, your mind gets put back into that meditative state which is prime for rewiring your subconscious and manifesting your dreams. If you have a hard time reading a book, you can always download audible or get your self a kindle, too.

Here’s the one I have my eye on: the Kindle Paperwhite in Agave Green

4. Plan your meals daily. So, instead of rushing to grab a last minute bit, when you plan out your meals for every single day before hand, you will save so much time, stress and energy. I like to have a calendar on my fridge where you can plan out a week of meals and know EXACTLY what to buy at the store for each week.

This will also help your mind get out of decision fatigue and just already know exactly what it is going to eat every day of the week. It’s a fabulous brain hack that will also save you so much money at the grocery store.

Grab this magnetic calendar to stick on your fridge. It also comes with a shopping list so you can literally see everyday and start planning what you’re going to have for dinner for the week. You’ll also be able to have a glance at how well you are nourishing your family all month.

5. Schedule your workouts ahead of time. Even if it’s just a 20 minute walk, you need to move your body daily. I have a better time at committing to this daily habit, if I put it in my calendar. I’m big on workout classes.

You can join a membership like ClassPass and take a variety of classes or you can join a gym and take theirs. When you have a habit of sticking to a particular class, you will be more likely to make it a habit. You will also make friends which feels more like a sense of community which is nice.

On the days I don’t go to my classes, I either go for a walk or do workouts at home. Youtube has so many great options for workouts at home. I love to do 20 min pilates bar workouts. I got myself a cute pink pilates bar and I am obsessed, I’ll never miss a day of moving my body.

6. Make your water more fun. I talk about how much I love adding salt / electrolytes to my water in this post here. It is a habit I absolutely swear by, especially for women over the age of 35. There are so many benefits to getting in your nutrients while you are hydrating and half the time those nutrients help you to hydrate faster.

So often, when we think we are hungry, we are just dehydrated and need some water.

Another thing I LOVE to add to my water is Chlorophyl drops. It’s benefits include detoxing the body, clearing up your skin, fixing bad breath, neutralizes toxins, helps weight loss, etc.

7. Use a vitamin planner. I have been using my pink jumbo vitamin planner for years. I absolutely swear by my vitamin regimen and if I don’t plan them out weekly, I completely forget to take them. I have an entire video training on the specific vitamin routine I use for my age and cycle inside my workshop, Goddess Glow Up.

8. Use a planner & a habit tracker. You MUST begin to somewhat get your life organized. I use the calendar on my phone AND a daily planner. I also keep my habit tracker on my desk. If you can get in the habit of scheduling out your healthy living habits, I promise you, you will feel so much more calm and like you have your life together.

I have tried out so many different planners and for some reason, these large blue sky planner layouts are always my favorite and I use them consistently.

9. Greens at every meal. This is my daily rule. I have to add something green to every meal. In the mornings, I love my green smoothies. If I have an iced coffee in the AM, I drink a match in the afternoon. If I order french fries, I also get brussel sprouts. I add spinach to my eggs, etc.

If that’s hard for you, you can also add the daily green powder to any drink, I add this to my smoothies but also, if I haven’t had a vegetable all day, I will drink this at night. It is so so good for you.

10. Get to sleep by 9:30 every night. Or at least try getting to sleep at the same time nightly, preferably before 10. At 9pm, your natural body rhythm produces melatonin. So, if you stay up too much later than you are wasting your natural sleep aids and it will be harder for you to get to sleep.

HOT TIP: put your phone down and screens off by 8:45, 9:00 at the latest. Save that show for the next day. The way that a good night sleep aligned with the natural circadian rhythm will change your life has always had me in a chokehold. Just try it.

I recorded a podcast episode to go along with this blog post and dive in a little deeper into each hack. Take a listen here: